


The Definition Of Alexander

by TheInevitableSense



Series: A List Of Definitions [3]
Category: Crucible Cast Party - SNL Sketch, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton Is Actually Okay For Once, Alexander Hamilton: The Voice Of Reason For Once, Cody Shuck: Really Needs Help, Cody Still Doesn't Deserve This, Discussed Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pretending to be someone else, Thomas Jefferson Is A Piece Of Shit, Thomas Jefferson: A Human Disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 04:01:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8829685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheInevitableSense/pseuds/TheInevitableSense
Summary: The other Alexander Hamilton is standing on Alex’s doorstep.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [exadorlion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exadorlion/gifts).



> Me, starting this part: Let's do this from Cody's POV. That sounds like it won't rip my heart out multiple times while writing.
> 
> Me, now: Goddammit.
> 
> Keep on blaming Exadorlion
> 
> (I keep on adoring you, darling.)

The other Alexander Hamilton is standing on Alex’s doorstep.

Alex blinks, his mind working to try and understand the implications of what has just happened. The Bad Alexander’s eyes widen, he shrinks away from Good Alex.

“What the fuck?” He breathes, eyes flicking rapidly as he takes in the sight of Good Alex in front of him. Bad Alex doesn’t understand, his face contorted in horrified confusion. Good Alex wonders, momentarily, what it is like to come face-to-face with the better version of oneself. _It must be a little jarring_ , he reasons. But the very sight of Bad Alex is enough to summon a curl of anger into his chest.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Good Alex spits. Bad Alex just gapes at him, hands coming up and flexing open and shut, like Bad Alex wants to reach out and touch him but is too scared to. “I asked you a question.” Good Alex takes a step forward, trying to look as threatening as possible. Bad Alex stumbles backwards, eyes still wide and uncomprehending.

“Who are you?” Bad Alex asks. Good Alex smiles, anticipating the look on Bad Alex’s face when he gets to know the truth.

“The better you,” Good Alex says, still walking forward. Bad Alex backpedals, trying to put distance between them but the hallway wall is rapidly approaching. “I’m you if you were actually a good person.” Bad Alex’s mouth moves like he’s trying to speak, but his back hits the other wall before he can say anything. Good Alex smirks, closing the remaining distance. “I’m not going to ask you again, _what are you doing here_?” Good Alex grabs onto the front of Bad Alex’s shirt, pinning him to the wall.

“I...I followed Thomas-” Bad Alex begins to say. Good Alex snarls, pulls on Bad Alex’s chest and slams him into the wall.

“ _You_ don’t get to call him that.” Good Alex growls. Bad Alex just gapes at him. “What makes you think you have the _right_ to call him by his first name? After what you _did_?” Good Alex pushes him into the wall again. “Don’t think I haven’t read all about how you hurt Thomas. Precious Thomas, he did nothing but love you and what do you do? _Sleep around on him like some whore_.”

“I made a mistake,” Bad Alex chokes out. His hands come up to hold Good Alex’s wrists and the contact makes Good Alex’s skin crawl.

“Oh yes, yes yes yes you did.” Good Alex smirks. “And I’m fixing that mistake. I’m the _good_ boyfriend, the one Thomas _deserves_. The Alexander he loves.”

Bad Alex just stares at him, eyes bugging out of his head. “What the fuck?” He says again, still not understanding. Good Alex sneers, wants to spit in his face but Alex would never do that so instead he just takes a deep breath and starts to talk.

“What makes you think you can just show up here, huh? Walk right into the only good thing Thomas has right now.” Good Alex gasps. “You’re trying to take him from me, aren’t you?”

“What-”

“I understand _why_ you want Thomas back,” Good Alex says, “He’s perfect. But guess what? _You_ fucked up. You lost him and now he’s _mine_ , you got it? I’m making up for everything you did. We’re happy, _he’s_ happy now. How _dare_ you try and ruin this for him.”

“Sure didn’t sound like he was happy a second ago,” Bad Alex says, his eyes finally focusing and hardening. “Sounded more like he pities you.” Good Alex finches.

“You were listening?” He asks. Bad Alex nods, his grip tightening around Good Alex’s wrists. “He does not _pity_ me. He _loves_ me. He loves me because I am you and he never stopped loving you. But you don’t have him, I do.”

“Could have fooled me,” Bad Alex grunts. The anger in Good Alex’s chest turns to rage.

“ _We love each other_ ,” Good Alex roars. Bad Alex grits his jaw but Good Alex can see that his shouting has caught the other off guard. “We love each other,” he repeats, “And you want to show up and destroy that. Well, I won’t let you.”

Bad Alex’s eyes widen and he starts to tug at Good Alex’s wrists. “Let go of me,” he says. Good Alex just tightens his grip and leans his forearms to Bad Alex’s chest, pinning him harder to the wall.

“Not until you agree to leave,” he growls. Bad Alex nods, the back of his head scraping against the wall.

“You got it man, I’ll leave. Go home. You’ll never see me agai-” Bad Alex grunts as Good Alex shoves his elbows into the other man’s chest.

“No, I mean _leave_. Get out of Thomas’ life, for _good_. I’m the only Alexander he needs.” Good Alex stares Bad Alex in the eyes, in _their_ eyes. “Do you understand?” Bad Alex shakes his head.

“I can’t do that. We _work_ toge-”

“Move. Get a new job. That’s not hard, is it? You’re smart enough to do that.” Good Alex smirks. Bad Alex’s eyes narrow.

“I’m not quitting my job to fulfill some stranger’s _delusion_ ,” he spits. Good Alex’ rage flares again.

“ _Yes_ , you will. If it will make Thomas happy, you will,” Good Alex says, but Bad Alex is shaking his head again.

“Look, Cody, right?” He asks. Good Alex scowls.

“I’m not Cody,” he growls.

“Fine, whatever, look,” Bad Alex swallows, his eyes hard and determined. “You need to chill the fuck out and realize that-”

“I don’t need to do _anything_ you say. In fact, you’re the one who should be listening to _me_.” Good Alex presses his elbows into Bad Alex’ rib cage, digging into his chest as best as he can. Bad Alex winces as Good Alex presses into a space between two ribs. “If you aren’t, well, I’ll just have to _make you_.”

“Alexander?”

Both Alexanders snap their heads to the staircase, to find Thomas, _beloved Thomas_ , standing there, eyes bugged out and glancing between them. Good Alex smiles, feeling his face light up just at the mere sight of his boyfriend.

“Yes, babe?” Good Alex asks. He hadn’t even heard Thomas come up the stairs, but he’s glad his love is here. _He’ll_ make Bad Alex listen.

“What the fuck is going on Thomas?” Bad Alex shrieks. “Who is this?!”

Thomas swallows, and take a slow step towards them. “Cody, le-”

“I’m not _Cody_ ,” Good Alex spits. His grip on Bad Alex’s shirt tightens. “How many times do I have to tell you?” Thomas puts his hands up in an ‘okay’ motion, one hand gripping his phone.

“Okay, Alex, would you please let...Alexander go?” Thomas asks. Good Alex frowns.

“Why? So he can run away? So he can try and _steal_ you from me?”

“No, of course not,” Thomas says, taking yet another step forward. _He must be scared because Bad Alex is here_ , Good Alex reasons. “He won’t do either of those things, will you, Alexander?” Thomas looks at Bad Alex. Bad Alex swallows and shakes his head.

“No, I...won’t.”

Good Alex looks at the man he’s got pinned to the wall, looking for a trace of a lie. He feels a hand pull on his shoulder and he turns to find Thomas, looking at him pleadingly. Slowly, Good Alex leans away from Bad Alex, untangles his hands from his shirt and steps back. Thomas smiles at him and joy blossoms in Good Alex’s chest.

“Thank you, Alex, love,” Thomas says. Good Alex grins, face blushing from the praise. He leans into his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s middle. Thomas is stiff under his embrace, but Good Alex attributes that to having Bad Alex around.

Bad Alex lets out a breath and and rubs at his chest. He’s looking at Thomas and Good Alex with wide eyes, trying to put the pieces together. “Thomas, explain,” he demands. Good Alex frowns and glares at Bad Alex. How dare he try and order Thomas around. He goes to speak, but Thomas pats him on the back. He looks up at his boyfriend, and sees the grim expression on his face. Good Alex swallows, feeling awful. _I should have gotten Bad Alex to go faster_. _Been better at convincing him to leave_.

“I...I will,” Thomas says.

“You better,” Bad Alex says, arms crossed over his chest. Thomas frowns, and Good Alex wants to leap at Bad Alex again. But Thomas, the amazing man he is, must know that so he grips Good Alex’ shoulders again and leads him back into the apartment.

“Not in the hall,” Thomas sighs, “in here.” Good Alex, arms still wrapped around his boyfriend's’ waist, walks with him to the couch. Thomas gently pushes Good Alex’s arms off and sits him down on the couch. Good Alex tries to reach out for him again, but Thomas steps away. “Stay, Alex. I’ll be right back.”

“Promise?” Good Alex pouts.

“Promise,” Thomas affirms. Bad Alex is standing by the counter in silence, gaze flicking between the couple. Good Alex scowls at him from behind Thomas’ back. Thomas walks away from the couch and towards the door. Before he can leave, Bad Alex’s hand flashes out and grabs him by the wrist. Good Alex has to stifle the impulse to stand or scream at Bad Alex, he knows Thomas wouldn’t want him to do either of those things.

“Where are you going?” Bad Alex hisses. Thomas pulls his arm out of Bad Alex’ grip and Good Alex relaxes a little. Thomas mutters something to him and leaves, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Both Alexanders glare at each other. Good Alex draws his knees up to his chest and plants his feet on the couch. Bad Alex doesn’t get to sit on his couch even if he wants too. Bad Alex just snorts and keeps glaring from the other side of the apartment. They sit in silence, just staring each other down. After a heartbeat, Good Alex starts to scan Bad Alex up and down, tracing every line of his body and posture with his eyes.

“Are you...checking me out?” Bad Alex asks, incredulously. Good Alex snorts, a replica of the one Bad Alex made a few seconds prior.

“No, but I’m not surprised that’s what _you_ think I’m doing.”

Bad Alex scowls. “Then what are you doing?”

“Memorizing the way you stand,” Good Alex says, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to say.

“Why?”

“To be a better Alex after you leave.” Good Alex smiles and leans forward as if to get a closer look. “All I had was your videos to study. Didn’t get a chance to watch you move in person.”

Bad Alex’s eyes widen. “You _stalked_ me?” He asks. Good Alex shakes his head.

“Just online. I’m not stupid. I can do a character study just fine from social media.”

“A...character study?” Bad Alex asks.

“Of course!” Good Alex says. “If you want to be someone, you gotta learn how they are.”

“How they _are_?”

Good Alex waves a hand in the air dismissively. “How they walk, talk, carry themselves, motion...how they are.” Bad Alex just stares at him, but Good Alex can see the question buried in his eyes. “You are very...distinctive,” he says, giving Bad Alex his answer. “Full of energy, quick movements, bouncy, jerky. Your voice was very difficult to get right, you have this odd cadence and your accent that you cover up doesn’t help. But I got it in the end.” Good Alex smiles, content with himself and the job he’s done. “And now I am you.”

Bad Alex takes a breath to respond but Thomas chooses that moment to come back into the apartment. Good Alex immediately sits up, letting his legs fall back to the floor. He grins at Thomas, and his boyfriend smiles back, strained. Thomas looks back at Bad Alex and Good Alex wishes that the other Alexander would just leave. _If it weren’t for Bad Alex,_ he thinks, _Thomas would be happy_. Good Alex pats the spot on the couch now open.

“Come here, babe,” he says, his voice in the now-natural rhythm and cadence of Alexander. “Sit with me.” Thomas winces and glances at Bad Alex.

“Bring a chair,” Thomas says, motioning to the table. Bad Alex grabs one of the wooden chairs and follows Thomas to the couch.

“How did you even know to come back?” Bad Alex asks. He struggles with the chair, pulling it behind him. It scrapes against the floor and the sound grates at Good Alex’s ears. He grits his teeth, glaring at Bad Alex as Thomas turns to talk to him again.

“When...all of this started, I gave my number to the next-door neighbor with instructions to call me if Cody-”

“Alexander,” Good Alex corrects.

“Did something...dangerous or…” Thomas struggles to find the right words. “She heard him screaming at you and called me.”

“When it all started?” Bad Alex asks. Thomas nods, sighs and sits down on the couch. “How long has _this_ -” he points at Good Alex “-been going on?” Good Alex frowns, wants to reach up and bite Bad Alex’s outstretched finger off.

“This part, the whole… ‘Alexander’ thing? About two weeks.” Thomas doesn’t look at Bad Alex, instead choosing to look at Good Alex. There’s a sadness in his eyes and Good Alex wants nothing more than to kiss it all away.

“And before that?” Bad Alex asks.

“We’ve been dating for five months!” Good Alex chirps. He grins at his boyfriend and grabs his hand. “Five amazing months.”

“Five months?” Bad Alex asks, voice small. “We’ve only been broken up for-”

“Five months, three weeks and two days,” Thomas mutters. Thomas pulls his hand from Good Alex’s grip, rubs his face in his hands and suddenly all of Good Alex’s thoughts besides _comfort him_ are gone. Good Alex shoots to the other end of the couch, wrapping one arm around Thomas shoulder and leaning into his side.

“It’s okay, babe,” Good Alex coos, “you don’t have to talk to him, I will.” Thomas shrugs and wiggles, but Good Alex doesn’t let go. He glares at Bad Alex. “See what you did? You upset him, _again_.” He hears Thomas mutter something, but he doesn’t pay attention. “Everything is your fault, you bastard. If you had just left when I told you to-”

“ _Get off me_ ,” Thomas snaps. He pushes Good Alex off his body, strong arms almost throwing him onto his back. He lands on the couch cushions, blinking in shock. Thomas jumps up from the couch, breathing hard and glaring at Good Alex. Good Alex pushes himself back into a sitting position.

_What did I do wrong now?_ He asks himself. _What upset Thomas?_ Fear curls in his chest. Thomas is mad again. When Thomas is mad he leaves. Good Alex can’t think of anything worse than Thomas leaving. _I didn’t mean it I didn’t mean it I-_

“Don’t you _dare_ talk to Alexander that way,” Thomas growls. Good Alex blinks. _Of course, he still loves Bad Alex more than you_. _How could you be so stupid?_

“I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to _him_.” Thomas points at Bad Alex. Good Alex gulps, and looks at Bad Alex.

“Sorry,” he mutters. He almost can’t bear to look up at Thomas’ face and see the disappointment and anger that is surely there. Good Alex knows he keeps fucking up. He always fucks up. So he looks up at Thomas anyway, knowing the expression on his face will be punishment enough. The fact that Thomas isn’t even looking at him hurts the most. Thomas’ eyes are screwed shut, his face turned away from either Alex.

“Thomas-” Bad Alex starts, but Good Alex is already running his mouth. That’s what Alexander does, right? Keeps talking until he gets it right.

“Thomas, sweetheart, please look at me,” he begs. His voice is starting to shake but Alexander’s voice doesn’t shake so he focuses on keeping it steady, he can’t keep screwing up. Bad Alex falls silent as Good Alex starts to ramble. “I’m sorry I hurt you, please, babe, just look at me. I apologized! Like you wanted! Do you want me to do it again?” Good Alex turns to Bad Alex again, “I’m sorry I insulted you, I’m sorry I was nasty, can you forgive me?” Bad Alex just watches him with wide eyes, something flickering deep in his eyes. Good Alex doesn’t have time to see what it is, he just turns back to Thomas and starts to talk again.

“Is that better? Is that good enough? Please, Thomas, I-I-I- I apologized! I’ve done everything you want of me, Thomas. Why aren’t I good enough for you yet? I’m supposed to be good enough, I’m the _good_ Alexander, I love you, I love you, please, I love you.” Good Alex catches himself. Alexander doesn’t beg. That’s _Cody_ begging. _Fuck, fuck fuck fuck you screwed up again,_ he thinks. So he takes a breath and starts again.

“What I mean to say-” Good Alexander's forces the cool confidence he’s supposed to have back into his voice “-is that you’re being completely unreasonable.” Thomas’ head snaps to look at him and a burst of joy floods his senses. _It’s working_. “I did what you asked- which, I don’t know _why_ I did. Everything you suggest is fundamentally flawed. If it were up to me, _I_ would have never wasted time with an _apology_ ,” he spits the word like it’s a curse, “I knew it would be worthless. He won’t forgive me, so whatever. It’s not my fault he’s the biggest-”

“Do _not_ finish that sentence,” Thomas warns. But Alexander wouldn’t bend so Good Alex keeps talking.

“-piece of shit I’ve ever met.” Good Alex smiles, knowing he did it right. That he _is_ Alexander. But the grin falls when he sees the look of pure rage on Thomas’ face.

_Fuck_. _What did we do wrong now what did we do?_

“How dare you,” Thomas hisses. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I’m Alexander,” Good Alex says, swallowing the fear and the disappointment in himself.

“ _No you’re not_!” Thomas roars. Good Alex flinches, sinking into the couch as Thomas turns red-faced. “ _You_ are Cody Shuck, not Alexander, Goddamnit. You need to _stop_ saying that!”

“Thomas-” Bad Alex tries to interrupt.

“No! This has gone on for far too fucking long.” Thomas is still shouting and Good Alex just wants to sink into the floor and disappear. “You need to wake the fuck up Cody, can’t you see how _sick_ and _wrong_ you are?! I’ve been trying to help you but you just _refuse_ to get better!” Good Alex whimpers, trying to figure out what Alexander would do, what he would say- _god you can’t even think right. How is Thomas supposed to love you like this? You deserve this you deserve thi-_

“ _Thomas, that’s enough!_ ” Bad Alex snaps. Good Alex opens his eyes, not sure when he had shut them. Bad Alex is standing between him and Thomas, hands curled into fists by his sides. Good Alex looks at them with wide eyes. _Of course that’s what Alexander would do_. “You need to sit the _fuck_ down and tell me what you’ve gone and done to this boy.”

“What _I’ve_ done to him?” Thomas asks, but the rage is gone. He sounds empty. The sound tugs at Good Alex and he tries to stand, tries to reach for his love but Bad Alex hears him move and suddenly there are firm, but kind hands on his shoulders pushing him back down onto the couch. Good Alex looks up at Bad Alex, confused.

“I need-” Good Alex tries to push past Bad Alex “-I need to go to him.”

“No, no you don’t,” Bad Alex says, his voice soft and just as kind as his hands. Good Alex doesn’t understand, but he lets Bad Alex sit him down. Once he’s settled, Bad Alex turns back to Thomas, who has taken the seat Bad Alex had dragged over. “Alright, go ahead,” Bad Alex commands. He stays standing, waiting for Thomas to talk. Thomas looks at Good Alex, his expression sad. Thomas looks back up at Bad Alex and starts to speak.

Good Alex hears Thomas describe the first time they met: a bar. They were both tipsy, Good Alex approaching Thomas on a whim. Good Alex smiles to himself; he knows the story well. It’s one of the best memories to replay when he’s working on being Alex. When he had experimented with ways to create the scars, the image of the first time he had seen Thomas had been what he’d focused on. How handsome he had looked under the barlights, the wonder he had felt when Thomas had looked even better under the bright lights of his apartment.

Good Alex hugs his knees to his chest, shuts his eyes and listens to Thomas speak. Memory after memory plays through his mind and he grins. It’s _their_ story, better than any play he’d ever been in or seen. Their one movie date, some kids movie about talking animals, cuddling up against Thomas in the theatre. The one time Thomas had bought him ice cream between auditions. Good Alex can count their dates on one hand but that’s what makes them all the more special. At some length, Thomas finishes, his voice starting to fail him as he talks about Good Alex’s greatest achievement: becoming Alex. Except Thomas calls it his ‘spiral out of control,’ but Good Alex disagrees.

“He’s the one who broke into your apartment and stole some shit, but I swear I didn’t know about that until after!” Thomas insists. “I was more worried about-” Thomas looks at Good Alex, his voice drops in volume “the _scars_.”

“The scars?” Bad Alexander asks. Thomas swallows and nods.

“The scars.” Thomas grits his jaw, eyes downcast. Bad Alex turns to look at Good Alex inquisitively. Good Alex picks his head up and smiles.

“You have military scars, so I do too.”

Bad Alex’s eyes widen and he whips back around to Thomas. “He-”

“To himself, yes,” Thomas mutters. Silence falls. Good Alex cannot see the expressions on either of their faces, Thomas’s head is down and Bad Alex has his back to him. Good Alex waits, trying to think of something to say. The only sound is the pipes in the walls rattling quietly.

When Bad Alex speaks, it is calm, it collected. His voice is even and low. His words are laced with venom, but the cold kind that freezes the body instead of lighting it up in fire.

“You must be out of your goddamned mind if you think that _any_ of what you have done was possibly a good idea.”

Thomas picks his head up. “I was just-”

“I don’t want to hear any fucking excuses from you!” Bad Alex shrieks. “ _What have you done, Thomas?!_ ”

“Don’t you realize I know I fucked up?” Thomas says, but Bad Alex plows on.

“ _That doesn’t matter!_ You have abused this poor boy, Thomas. You have abused him and your idea of ‘fixing him’ is yelling and threatening him? No _fucking_ wonder he’s so scared of you! Why he’s so desperate to please!”

_I’m not scared of Thomas_ , Good Alex thinks, but he bites his tongue. Thomas looks absolutely cowed, despair scrawled across his features. Bad Alex is almost _shaking_ with anger.

“I mean, Goddamnit Thomas, I _knew_ you were an self-absorbed idiot, but I had no idea you were _this fucking stupid and cruel_. The fact you did this in _my_ name, _my_ memory _sickens_ me, Thomas. If you wanted me, you could have said something! We could have talked about it. God, Thomas. Don’t you think I fucking regret cheating on you? You were one of the best things that happened to me.”

“I was?” Thomas’ voice is almost hopeful and Good Alex’s stomach plummets.

“Yeah, but... _Jesus Christ._ After this?” Bad Alex motions around the apartment “I don’t know if I can look you in the eye again.”

“Alexander.” Thomas sounds broken.

“No, no. I don’t want to hear it.” Bad Alex crosses his arms. “Can...can you even...did you do _anything_ right by this man?”

Thomas swallows. “...I took away anything he might have used to hurt himself again.” But this does not comfort Bad Alex, instead it enrages him more.

“Oh good fucking job. You did _one_ thing that was helpful, _after the damage had already been done_. Good job.” Bad Alex starts to clap, slowly, with silences dragged out between each impact of his hands. “You did the logical thing, congratulations. At this point, I’m surprised you didn’t just hand him a knife and tell him to go nuts.”

Thomas folds in on himself, gangly arms wrapping around his stomach. “I-”

“Unless you were about to prostrate yourself in front of Cody and apologize, I don’t want to hear whatever was about to come out of your mouth.” Bad Alex huffs.

Thomas just sits there. Good Alex is in shock. Thomas, _his_ Thomas, struck into silence. His impulse is to go and wrap his arms around Thomas until everything is okay again. But something tells him that things aren’t going to be okay again. Bad Alex spins around and his expression softens when he looks at Cody.

“Hey,” he says. Bad Alex takes a step towards the couch. “Sorry about yelling.” Good Alex just blinks at him, eyes wide. Bad Alex smiles and hold out a hand. “Would you like to come with me?”

“What?” Good Alex asks. He glances at Thomas, but Thomas’ head is hung, his face obscured by a wall of curls. Bad Alex moves so that he’s blocking Thomas from Good Alex’s sight.

“I want to take you to go get help, if you’ll come with me, Cody.” Bad Alex steps forward again.

“I’m not Cody, I’m Alexander.” The words tumble out on reflex. Good Alex shrinks farther into the couch. Bad Alex just keeps smiling.

“Okay, Alexander. Would you like to come with me to go get help?”

Good Alex takes a shuddering breath. Bad Alex waits patiently, hand still outstretched. Good Alex eyes it, not quite believing what he’s hearing. “What kind of help?” He asks, still staring at Bad Alex’s hand.

“Well, I was hoping we could go to the hospital and talk to a friend of mine. She’s a doctor that specializes in helping people like you.”

“People like me?” Good Alex’s throat is closing up, his voice is high pitched and wrong, _you need to get back in character, idiot, Thomas is going to be mad_ -

Bad Alex wiggles his fingers and Good Alex is brought back to the present, his focus retrained on Bad Alex’s hand. “People who...people who don’t have the best relationship with someone and just need a little help dealing with it.”

_People in bad relationships…_ “You mean my relationship with Thomas,” Good Alex says, his shoulders tensing. Bad Alex nods. “I- _we_ have a good relationship. We love each other.” But the words sound hollow even to Good Alex.

“If that’s true then, my friend will agree with you and you can come right on back to Thomas, okay?” Bad Alex says, reaching out just the littlest bit more with his hand. “It can’t hurt to talk to her, can it?”

Good Alex hesitates. He bites at his lip, then stops. Cody bites his lip, not Alexander. Slowly, as if in a dream, Good Alex raises his hand and grabs onto Bad Alex’s. Bad Alex’s hand tightens around Good Alex’s, but it’s not too tight as Bad Alex helps Good Alex to his feet.

“Can I hold your waist?” Bad Alex asks. Good Alex swallows, then nods. Bad Alex, hand still clasped in his, slips his other arm around Good Alex’s waist. They begin to walk together towards the apartment door, Good Alex clinging onto Bad Alex harder than he thought he would. When the reach the door, Bad Alex lets go of his hand for a moment to reach for the doorknob.

Good Alex turns his head and looks back at Thomas, still hunched over in the chair. He can only see the back of Thomas’ head and his shoulders, but he looks lonely. Thomas, _his Thomas_ , looks hurt. As if sensing what he’s thinking, Bad Alex squeezes his waist lightly.

“Can…” Good Alex swallows, his throat dry, “Can Thomas come with us?” Bad Alex sighs.

“No, Alex, he can’t.”

Good Alex pauses, but nods. “Thomas?” He calls. “I’m coming back.” Thomas doesn’t respond, but he curls up tighter, folding over at the waist and dropping his head.

“Come on,” Bad Alex mutters. As he swings open the door, Good Alex looks at the other man still holding him.

Good Alex decides that Bad Alex is just Alex now.

**Author's Note:**

> There's going to be a fourth part because I have no self-control.


End file.
